EDIT: Due to the insistence and flurry of comment activity, links have been added throughout the post for reference. Thank you so much to all my fans!
There is an undocumented feature in HTML5: “IE6 mode”. After all the pain and suffering all these years, all we had to do was:
<script>
"IE6 mode"
</script>
Here is how Club AJAX looks in IE6 without the feature:
And here is how it looks when I add the simple code as shown above: